I need to get back on this. . .

So I started this thinking i would keep up with it as often as i could. Turns out i didnt care enough to do that. However i think now im willing to try. Its my senior year in highschool and its brought me back into my mindset of releasing stress through words. SO look to the future for i should be posting

Silence

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .SILENCE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Those moments when we hold our tongues as to no not incite those who need no reason to instigate. 

Whether we are scared of them, ourselves, or the consequences of retaliation, we fall to fears greatest tool

Silence

At some point or another, Fear has controlled us.

 We walk like normal, talk like normal, even put on fake smiles just to look Normal.

 "Nothing is wrong," we say. "We are fine"we say.

 Truth being though, we sit here in

 Silence

Everything is not OK.

I have a secret and its here to stay. 

No one can know that I am afraid

So i go on playing this Charade

Comfortably Silent

What is this? 

An uplifting feeling that had started in my gut, has passed my heart and made it to my mind. 

A light that cast itself through the veil of Fear's Shadow. 

I can see the shackles holding me down, and the cage that keeps me in. These, the restraints of 

Silence

Ive been here so long its felt so natural.

I am reminded that at one time I was Free

Freedom?

A word hard to remember what it means,

I'm finding it even harder to accept that it used to apply to ME

Before, I was

Silent?

Sitting here i am a statue, exterior shut down

Inside thoughts race, Heart pounds 

Confused i try to harness sound 

Words caught in my throat as the shackles shorten and the cage closes in.

Im becoming claustrophobic in my own body

yet still 

silent

Pressure building

Time Slowing 

Sensory at Max

i can no longer sit here Relaxed

Rip the Shackles, Tear the Cage

ENOUGH 

with being silent.

Nothing

I...got nothing today
or atleast right now
i'll try back later/tomorow

Un-named 1

 Im not an english teacher, actually far from it.
I am merely a Literate, and somewhat of a poet
You see life is more than beers and weed
talking like you're "ghetto," and playing C-o-D

I take part in the 90% of life that gets wasted

by teenagers who only want to "party" and get wasted
i dont talk like an Illiterate, for i find it absurd 
Its time we stepped away from that phase, and have our youths be cured
life is a "party" dont get me wrong
but you make the party dull by only drinking and smoking
acting all tough, when youre the farthest thing from strong
weak in standards
weak in sight
acting; calling yourselves BAMFs
Realize this this I am your Sheppard and you are my Lambs

I may not lead you through the valley of shadows and doubt

but i can help you fear no evil

fear no evil of society and peers

need not waste away your youthful years

i can lead you down a path 

a road few follow

it may not be popular, but thats a part of the process

doing things for yourself, not to be mainstream, or please the populace

Follow me, im your friend

 your teammate, 

your coach

in fact I am your teacher

your guide

Let me in, and follow me and i will remain at your side

I Want

I want to elaborate
upon a topic easy to complicate
this topic is life, but get me right
this is my life that i have in sight.
at this point i feel i know what i want
i want something that is easier said, and is how ive always felt
i want to make a hand of all the cards ive been dealt
i want to board down these roads forever, hopping over bumps, and manging these hills
i want to play my trumpet and make it sing like butterfly fluttering on my trills
i want to run for hours and swim for days and board for weeks and making music for months and maybe write for years
but mostly i want to find a partner for life 
and live with them and love them for the rest of our living lives 
i want to be with her for even beyond our afterlives
i want to see her smile and make her laugh
i want to pick her up when she's down
i want be there for her even when others cant
i want to have a purpose
and what better purpose for a man than being a father
of course not now or anytime soon but later
after ive done what i must to call myself a man 
to be a man i need to be strong and have power and be respected like my father
the strongest is he who lives his life how he see fits
does not back down no matter how often society throws fists
needs not throw punches but use his words
knowledge is power, and words are power over violence
when society says you cant, standing up and saying I CAN!
saying I Will! saying I will not back down, I will stand my ground and reach for higher places
yea i grew up in south suburbia farthest thing from a ghetto, 
but that doesnt mean i cant reach for something higher, you kno
Always reaching higher, always striving for more, always looking for better than best
that is who i am and thats how i will gain my respect
not through fear or manipulation
 i will give respect, but that's a stipulation
anyone one worth respecting is respectful
but as i look at todays society that seems like bull
I have hope for its my strength to live the life ive set
using my words, not my fists, to fight my battles
respecting others, even when they get me rattled
and being a father for my child, like mine
this is what I want from my life

Search, Conquest, Love?

Currently I have decided to research how one falls in love. Before proceeding i thought i'd look up what a hero of mine had to say about it. Thus follows:

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Albert Einstein



"When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours. When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes;  that's relativity." -- Albert Einstein


"Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." -- Albert Einstein


"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
- Albert Einstein


With that i'm going to test love with relativity. When i find a girl who makes time stand still when I'm around her, i'll know i'm close. When i find a girl who can make me fly when i'm around her, and feel like lead away from her. Then I'll be onto something. Here's to those of us who are trying to figure out what exactly they are looking for.

Winning and Losing

What really matters? Life is a game; a serious game, but a game none the less. When you play a game, most of the time you're focused on winning, or not losing. (yes there is a difference) Do either of those really matter. Games are meant to be fun. Their meant to teach. If all you focus is on winning, then what do you get out of it? Life is a game. Learn to enjoy the game and you will enjoy life. Learn that winning isn't everything. John Wooden once said "Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." Does winning In the end really matter? Does having an 8 figure job, Mercedes Benz in the garage of three-story house matter. Does it matter that you get by on minimum wage, have no internet or cable. Can you live happily knowing everyday you did your best to use every second to its fullest? What really matters in life? I don't know? It's different for everyone, but one thing is for sure. Those that are really truly happy already know.